LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

Well, I don't have a lot to add to Mark's review below. In general, the movie felt like a series of setpieces rather than a cohesive whole, and I think it mostly failed in capturing the spirit of the first film (with the exception of a couple of the stunts). The entire movie has a digitally processed sheen that gives it an unnatural golden hue, which apparently was meant to give it an "old timey" feel. However, old timers didn't employ digital tinting, so this is a bit of a contradiction in terms (I may be wrong, but I'm not going to do any research on this). Also, the CGI really stood out considering there was an unspoken promise (or maybe spoken) that the movie was a throwback employing practical effects. The reality of any stunt is called into question (even if just subconsciously) when CGI is introduced in the equation. It's like how the integrity of all of baseball was put into question when it was found that several players had been using performance enhancing drugs.

"Remarkably unremarkable" is a good way to put it, actually.

LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: Antichrist (2009)

Here's my capsule from my top 10 of the year list:

"Lars certainly knows how to kick things off with a bang, beginning with a sex scene (complete with penetration shot) that is intertwined with a kid falling off a balcony and going splat. The freshly deceased munchkin creates some grief related issues for the couple. Dafoe, as a therapist, approaches the grief intellectually, while Gainsbourg takes a more emotional approach (she is the chick in the relationship after all). They explore the woods together, trying to connect with nature and failing, while this grief manifests itself in physical form (including some wonderful surprises). Lars never loses track of the emotional core, while showing again why he has the biggest stones in moviemaking today."

So...is this movie torture porn? Of course not, dummy. What we have is basically a two-person drama that gets into horror metaphor territory in the third act. This includes some horror atmosphere, what with the couple spending time together in a cabin surrounded by some creepy woods (for the record, the trees aren't the assholes here, but rather, what lies behind these trees), as well as the metaphoric violence (meaning that it's an extension of the interior drama).

It initially didn't occur to me, but Mark Kermode quite astutely compares the film to Andrzej Zulawski's Possession, which uses horror metaphor to deal with a disintegrating marriage (albeit disintegrating for different reasons). However, Possession is much more manic in its approach, where as Antichrist proceeds ominously towards inevitable tragedy.

Here is Mark Kermode's interview with Willem Dafoe. If it wasn't already obvious, Dafoe is very smart and very awesome...and he's Jesus! That's a winner folks.

Here are Kermode's astute remarks. He points out that he doesn't trust Von Trier because he's a prankster asshole, but this is one of the reasons why I like Von Trier. Cinema needs more liars and thieves and fewer choir boys (and girls) that do things "professionally".

LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: The Ward (2011)

I didn't realize that mental hospitals were filled with hot chicks. I should really visit them more often. Granted, even a nutbar Amber Heard is probably out of my league. However, there's that chick that keeps sucking her thumb while clutching her bunny rabbit doll. I bet I could sneak up to her barred window at night and whisper "psst! I got an extra ticket to see Tori Amos tonight! Come on, I'll help you break out!". She'd be cracked puddy in my hands.

Other than that, the plot of The Ward is modern day Hollywood horror hackery, albeit competent hackery. Where the movie shines is in the direction by John Carpenter. This one actually looks and feels like a John Carpenter movie, unlike the Masters of Horror episodes he did. So...it's decent, I guess. Maybe someone will let Carpenter direct an original, interesting script (or maybe he can write his own).

LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: The Social Network (2010)

Here's my earlier capsule review:

Imagine Zombieland if the zombies were replaced with the internet {just as Adventureland is Zombieland with K-Stew (minus the vampires) instead of the zombies, if you follow}, or a internet-sploitation drama that, incredibly, isn’t shitty (I’m giving the evil eye to the Sandra Bullock/Dennis Miller vehicle The Net as I type that, for the record). As your substitute film professor, I have multiple gold stars to hand out to David Fincher, who somehow manages to make a compelling movie around a legal deposition, considering it’s not even a real trial, and especially considering movies revolving around even real trials are positively coma inducing (Anatomy of a Murder and 12 Angry Men notwithstanding).

I'll just add that the movie was also educationalizing. It taught me all about "Facebook", how it's sorta like Friendster on steroids, and that people use it to socialize with each other over the internetnewebs. Like, you have a page where you write "I ate a rad cheeseburger!", and you post a picture of the cheeseburger, and your friends and family see it and comment on how fantastic everything is. Also, lots of smiley faces. I don't quite get it, but, then again, I was never one for socializing on a common folk level.

LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: Black Swan (2010)

I wrote a capsule review of this one when I did my top 10 of the year list. Here ya go:

Aronofsky synergizes Repulsion-esque psychological horror with operatic nutty gothics, as cutie pie Natty Portman progresses from half blown ice queen to full blown nutbar. The film simultaneously aims for subtle and over the top (not the arm wrestling movie), and, while not smoothly integrated, it still achieves an unglamourous opera of the horrors of ballet, where both simple minutia (foot blisters) and more deep seeded horrors (freudian repression and the inability to love) collide in phantasmagoric chaos.

The "operatic nutty gothics" probably entails some Dario Argento influence, which I failed to mention. However, the ever-vigilante Mark Kermode leaves no Argento reference unturned. Here is his review which, when Scotch-taped to mine, is basically my thoughts on the film in a nutshell. The only other value judgement I'll add is to say that I thought the movie was awesome despite what I perceived to be flaws. Namely, that the movie is overstuffed, and it's hard for subtle psychological horror and overblown gothic horror to co-exist. Having said that, I'll take awesome (or "bonkers" as Kermode astutely puts it) over tasteful "perfection" any day of the week.

LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: Marley & Me (2008)

I don't care for dog pictures. It's not the dog's fault, it's just that I don't have much tolerance for Hollywood schmaltz, and dogs are an easy conduit for schmaltz. I also don't care for "yuppie author" pictures; you know, where the lead character is a highly successful white lame-o who writes for a living, yet when you hear their writing in voice over, it's something along the lines of "my Volvo died a thousand deaths...this is the world...this is life". You're supposed to believe they're great because they are successful, and they are successful because they somehow make a lot of money. Fucking yuppies.

Anyway, Marley & Me combines these two genres, tweaked with an obnoxious twist that goes for anti-schmaltz but only ends up piling on more schmaltz. Having said that, I thought Alan Arkin was funny, although he seemed like he was just improvising his lines. I guess I just don't have faith that a writer of dog pictures can formulate humor. So, other than that...fuck this movie. Yeah, I said it.

LET KERMODE DO THE WORK FOR YOU: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

(This is the first in a new series of posts reveling in pure laziness)

I am a big fan of UK film critic Mark Kermode, who is well known for his horror film analysis, but is also a well rounded film critic that can analyze all kinds of movies and do it in his own rapid, inimitable way (he has an awesome podcast here). Since I find myself agreeing with him more often than not, and since I'd like to make a couple of points about certain films without having to write an entire essay, I thought I'd just let Kermode do the heavy lifting for me.

First up: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008). I quite like David Fincher as a director (Zodiac and The Social Network were both in my top 10s the years they came out), but I wasn't really excited to see this one from the trailer, since it looked like a variation on Forrest Gump (which it pretty much is).

So, I finally saw it, and pretty much agree with Mr. Kermode on this one, although I guess I liked it a bit more than he did, as I thought the cinematography and production design were pretty fantastic. Also, that baby version of an old man Brad Pitt looked pretty awesome. I wish I had one of those. I'd totally use it to scare my cat.