FAVORITE FILMS OF THE 2000s - #1-15

Here are my pics for the best films of the last decade, #1-15 (one film per director, documentaries excluded):

15. No Country For Old Men
(dir-Coen Brothers)

A splendidly faithful adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's novel, seamlessly grafted onto a merciless thriller that reworks the Coen's own Blood Simple into something more purely Hitchcockian, yet retaining that Coen magic. Josh Brolin delivers another pitch perfect performance of extreme bad assery. Enjoy Diane Lane...you've earned it pal.


14. Battle Royale
(dir-Kinji Fukasaku)

I'm ecstatic when even one kid is murdered in a film; here is an entire movie dedicated to this premise. There is also a lot of strategy involved, so you can sort of play along, thinking how you would kill your classmates when thrust into a similar situation (assuming you haven't already done so for real). Also, Beat Takeshi provides another stellar comedic turn as a teacher that acts like a ruthless, yet no less comedic, gangster (like the kind you might find in a Takeshi Kitano film).


13. Ghost World
(dir-Terry Zwigoff)

Someone once handed me a demo for their alien themed metal band while I was working at a record store, thinking a lowly clerk somehow had connections within the music biz. I saw Ghost World not too long after, and there's a scene where some dude hands Thora and Scarlett (when she was hot) a flyer for his band "Alien Autopsy". In other words, the film was a perfect representation of an entire generation, based purely on empirical evidence.


12. Kikujiro
(dir-Takeshi Kitano)

A sentimental setup (a hardened gangster forced to go on a road trip with a frumpy, sad child, resulting in a less hard former, and the latter toning down his sad bastard act) is rendered with humanity by Kitano the director, and with hilarity by Beat Takeshi the comedian. I hope they continue to work together.


11. Lilja 4-ever
(dir-Lukas Moodysson)

Lukas "out-Lars Van Trier's" L.V.T. himself in this pure representation of an exterior life steeped in horror (a girl forced into the sex trade) contrasted with a beautifully human inner life; two separate truths contrasted in rapturous disharmony. Think Bresson's Mouchette reworked by Lars Von Trier in a modern day setting (where sex is big business), assuming Lars is actually some other dude.


10. Cache
(dir-Michael Haneke)

A thriller constructed from static points of view, sometimes human, sometimes not, played out in real time, where all is revealed yet the truth remains hidden. A bourgeois man seals himself off in his own point of view, maintaining his own "truths", while the consequences of his actions remain hidden in plain sight. If that doesn't tickle your intellectual fancy, there's an awesome scene where some dude slits his own throat...oops, I gave it away. Just ignore that last part.


9. La Commune (Paris 1871)
(dir-Peter Watkins)

Watkins' six-hours-or-so opus captures a nineteenth century French revolution through the eyes of twenty first century mass media, the resulting mockumentary contrasting reality with the modern representation of reality. History is rewritten on the fly, and this constantly updated framing consistently affects the living reality that is supposed to have been presented objectively the entire time. I hope Hollywood doesn't remake this one; it'll star Angelina Jolie as a hot French chick overcoming systemic oppression in order to nail some hot French dude.


8. Black Book
(dir-Paul Verhoeven)

Carice Van Houten gives perhaps the greatest performance of the decade, using her feminine wiles to infiltrate the gestapo as part of the resistance, but never shedding her humanity amidst a shifting identity. Verhoeven kinda combines his earlier films Soldier of Orange and Katie Tippel, commenting on a male dominated society while constructing a superb thriller. Easily Verhoeven's greatest post-Showgirls achievement.


7. Elephant
(dir-Gus Van Zant)

One of the great recent suspense thrillers; after all, suspense is about the when, not the if, and the various real time tracking shots set up the physical space of the school, as well as the setting up of different points in time right before tragedy strikes. Every corner and doorway becomes a potential source of danger. All of this while showcasing a diseased social dynamic; showing, not telling, and therefore never resorting to reductionism. Normally I enjoy watching kids get shot, but these students are more of the young adult variety and, therefore, retain an element of sympathy.


6. 2046
(dir-Wong Kar-Wai)

While a man tries to wrap his mind around multiple visions of loveliness, a man in the future tries to comprehend visions of some robo-chicks. Flesh or machine, they both end up as images searing the mind of a hopeless romantic. At least that's what I took from it. By the way, this film just narrowly edged out In the Mood For Love, solely for featuring a cybernetic Faye Wong.


5. Freddy Got Fingered
(dir-Tom Green)

The greatest American comedy of the decade, courtesy of Canada's proudest son. Tom takes a genuine clothesline concerning a young artist stifled by society and father (admittedly the former is a distant second, but then again, it's hard to compete with Rip Torn) while airing the dirty laundry of his creative subconscious. The latter consists of a rapid series of absurdist gags unparalleled in their power to get one slapping one's knee. Also, chicks in wheelchairs are pretty hot. Not because they can't run away though...that's not where I'm coming from. Honestly.


4. Before Sunset
(dir-Richard Linklater)

My most eagerly awaited film of the decade, I initially felt gypped upon walking out of the theater, as it seemed like the film was missing a reel or two. Looking at my watch, I realized I had just fell victim to a rare, non-UFO (not the band, although they rock) missing time experience while revisiting these characters. Now I have to wait another whole decade for the next installment? I CURSE YOU MR. LINKLATER!!!


3. The New World
(dir-Terrence Malick)

Malick deconstructs a familiar tale, de-emphasizing the honkey point of view, instead choosing to elevate the objective point of view of the very land itself, wild and untamed as it is (this was before all those shopping malls were built). For the less philosophical amongst us, just look at it as a non-shitty Avatar. Also, Q'orianka Kilcher is pretty hot, which helps a little bit.


2. Femme Fatale
(dir-Brian DePalma)

You'd think a movie that begins with a spectacular "diamond-bra lesbian" heist at the Cannes film festival would have a hard time recovering. Not so, as resident genius Brian DePalma keeps things humming along until the end, creating the purest expression yet of his "Godard meets Hitchcock" aesthetic. I guess any hot model lesbian that wears a diamond-bra in public is just begging for an "adventurous" night out. I don't mean that it's okay to rape her...that's not where I'm coming from. Really.


1. Millenium Mambo
(dir-Hou Hsiao-Hsien)

This titular mambo entails both the electronic interconnectedness of a new generation, and the alienation inherent in a society separated by electronic media. This ephemeral portrait of our current media-verse is contrasted with the story of a young woman enslaved in a relationship of her own accord, relayed in truths played out in real time. Also...Shu Qi is super hot. That certainly helps.

FAVORITE FILMS OF THE 2000s - #16-30

Here are my personal picks for the best films of the last decade; one film per director, documentaries excluded:

30. Jimmy Zip
(dir-Robert McGinley)

A street kid is forced to hide out in a junkyard, and turns his damaged surroundings (both literally and figuratively) into a career as a junk artist, completing the living metaphor. This slab of wigger poetry sneaks into the list as the dark horse of the group.


29. Werckmeister Harmonies
(dir-Bela Tarr)

A traveling carnival pays a visit to a small Hungarian town, and their main attraction is a dead whale, and this big fish tears the town apart somehow. It's probably a metaphor for something, or maybe an obtuse Sea World parody.


28. Wonder Boys
(dir-Curtis Hanson)

Michael Douglas in his best ever role as an english professor juggling a nonstop parade of problems over the course of a couple days. It's a drama about writing and writers that is consistently funny without betraying its characters and life lessons. Speaking of which, maybe these people would be more balanced and stable if they gave up drama altogether and got into comedy. Just a thought.


27. The Happiness of the Katakuris
(dir-Takashi Miike)

A family runs a bed and breakfast where every customer ends up dying somehow, and they overcome these little tragedies through absurd musical stagings and a general sense of family togetherness. For instance, mom and dad rekindle their romance by staging a karaoke musical sequence. I guess that's how all young Japanese people fall in love, so maybe it's not so absurd after all that a couple would rekindle their romance through a karaoke machine.


26. Looking For Comedy in the Muslim World
(dir-Albert Brooks)

A perfectly timely comedy that handles important issues (religious retards blowing stuff up) without resorting to hamfistedness, while finding genuine humor in our differences; broaching a common humanity. However, I doubt we'll ever see eye to eye on the whole "chicks wearing burkas" thing. That shit ain't gonna fly on Venice beach.


25. Once
(dir-John Carney)

An unconsummated love affair is explored through song, and a series of mundane events becomes infused with emotion and meaning. I'm looking forward to the sequel, "Twice", where they boink for 90 minutes.


24. Pistol Opera
(dir-Seijun Suzuki)

Untethered Suzuki is where its at, and here he reworks Branded to Kill as a pop kabuki stage show...or something. Who knew a movie about people trying to kill each other could be so nonsensically awesome.


23. Let the Right One In
(dir-Tomas Alfredson)

An unlikely pair of outcasts join forces; a boy who is forced to acquiesce to violence (bullies use him to vent their frustrations about having small penises), and a girl who is forced into violent acts in order to survive (being that she's one of those vampire chicks). Against all odds, they ultimately find tenderness and strength in their relationship, like the lyrics to a Phil Collins power ballad.


22. Amelie
(dir-Jean-Pierre Jeunet)

Amelie is painfully shy (pointing to a potential host of self esteem related issues), and plays any number of elaborate ruses to run from this reservoir of horror. Also...it's cute! And it's French!


21. Dogville
(dir-Lars Von Trier)

While usually a hackneyed device, John Hurt's voice-over narration here is the greatest in film history, guiding the viewer through a literary world while subtly providing searing ironic comment along the way. Von Trier also spices things up with one of the better rape scenes in his cannon.


20. Mulholland Drive
(dir-David Lynch)

Inching out Inland Empire, although they could be considered two sides of the same coin, Mulholland Drive shows us what happens when a Hollywood dream (i.e. becoming a movie star) butts up against Hollywood reality (i.e. I live in a shitty studio apartment, and the streets are filled with hookers and drug dealers).


19. The Rules of Attraction
(dir-Roger Avary)

Takes a realistic base (spoiled assholes in college) and layers on a well executed avalanche of bold style. Imagine Godard filming the J Crew catalog, and achieving greatness against all odds, like a Phil Coll...er, I used that line already. Sorry.


18. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring Again
(dir-Kim Ki-Duk)

The greatest Buddhist-sploitation movie ever made, this Korean masterpiece shows us round-eyes how the whole Zen deal really works.


17. Adaptation
(dir-Spike Jonze)

Maybe the best film ever made about the creative process of writing, pushing meta-analysis into slapstick territory. Charlie Kaufman does it again, fulfilling the old adage of "writing what you know" and, in this case, it's "knowing about writing".


16. Inglourious Basterds
(dir-Quentin Tarantino)

For its minor flaws, Quentin does here what he partially failed with Kill Bill; that is, construct a cinema of set pieces that still retains a literary narrative. Christoph Waltz gives the greatest performance in Nazi-sploitation history, easily besting Liam Neeson as Oskar Schindler and Dyanne Thorne as Ilsa, she wolf of the SS.